Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
These tits shall not be calmed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
