Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
