I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
