I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
