just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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