I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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