I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
