I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
