I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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