he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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