yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
