My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i think my cat just said my name.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
