i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Houston, we have a blender
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
