How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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