I just cut my nipple shaving
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
True college students do jello shots in the library
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
