my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
