dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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