3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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