Where did you get a picture of my penis
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
