This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
