By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
