Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
