I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
