at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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