I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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