his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
