Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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