he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
