Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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