Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He? As in you personified your dick?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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