i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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