DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
