k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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