i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
