So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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