The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
