i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
