We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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