I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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