Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
false alarm, still single
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
