Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
