All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
