I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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