All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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