we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
