for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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