She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
