Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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