As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
