all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
