Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
