quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize