I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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