dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
