Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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