"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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