I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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