i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
