Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
