So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
