508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
