Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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