I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
